Understanding child’s behaviour- through birth order
Many mothers say that despite having many children, each pregnancy is unique. And upon delivery, the babies take on their own personality.
So, how come one child will be very neat and responsible while the other is carefree and clumsy? Is there an explanation to this contrast or is behaviour engraved in the genetic code? Apparently, the sequence in which a child gets into this world determines their overall behaviour. It turns out that the order babies are born determines who they become later in life.
A first born, for instance, experiences a lot of undivided attention from the parents, being the only child then. ‘This attention develops a very responsible and accomplished child. Most firstborns are very dependable and effective at what they do and are natural leaders,’ says Eunah Njoroge, a teacher at Brookhouse School.
But these advantages come with a price. ‘Due to enjoying that much space and attention, they can domineer, finding it hard to follow others. They also tend to have high standards for achieving, making them perfectionists. They strive to succeed at all costs as this is heavily influenced by their parents who want them to be the best there is,’ says Njoroge.
She advises parents to refrain from criticising everything their child does but instead let them explore the world. ‘Go easy on their mistakes by setting an example through praising, apologising when at fault and acknowledging disappointments,’ advises Njoroge.
A middle child, she says, is advantaged as she has a leader to learn from and a follower to care for. ‘She too can be a leader by orienting her younger sibling, which nurtures her self-esteem. She also learns the art of sharing, communicating and being involved in childhood activities,’ adds the teacher.
She continues: ‘Most middle kids are negotiators and love to keep the peace. They also get along well with people and value friendships. But sometimes they tend to feel out of place and can be insecure. This inadequacy may make some unable to communicate effectively.’ She advises parents to ensure that they treat each child specially. ‘This can be done by having quality time with each child separately and learning to talk with them from their perspective,’ says Njoroge.
‘Lastborns seem to exist in a world of their own, with no worries or concerns. They enjoy loving parents and have responsible siblings to emulate. They go through development phases with ease as they watch their siblings grow. They tend to be independent by wanting to take ownership of their own lives. They are normally less disciplined and can become really spoilt. They may end up having no regard for authority,’ she says.
Njoroge says parents and siblings usually want to protect and save them from trouble, making them too dependent on others. ‘They also tend to compare themselves with their siblings and think that they are no better.’
‘Give the lastborn children tasks to undertake. This will nurture responsibility in them as well as self-confidence. Encourage them to share their thoughts in a given subject, to develop social and communication skills,’ she advises. ‘Ultimately, siblings learn how to socialise from each other. It is important for parents to treat each child as an individual and cater for her specific needs,’ says Njoroge. She advises parents to show their children how to get along with others by appreciating each other’s uniqueness. ‘This teaches them a valuable way of solving problems as well as to be socially fit. When a child experiences unconditional love, self-acceptance is enhanced and the act also creates a conducive environment for close bonds with siblings,’ she says.
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