Leaving Your Baby At Home. IS IT CAUSING YOU STRESS?

Who will care for my baby while I go to work!

Eva Wanjiru Mwasi , a first-time mum, talks of the challenges of leaving her baby for first time.

THE worst moment was when my maternity leave was over and l had to go back to work! The first time I left her; I stood at the bus stage and cried!

It was a depressing feeling, similar to when I took her for the first immunization. It was challenging and I cried then, too, when I saw her being injected. When she started crying l felt really sad. I had cried more when she received the 6 weeks injection usually given on the thigh.

Now that I was heading back to work, I had those ‘what if’ questions in my mind. I wondered if I was doing the right thing. A voice inside my head kept telling me not to go back to work, and for a moment, I seriously considered it. While contemplating between going back home and going to work, more than five matatus passed by!

I was not even going to work that day; l was going to report that my leave was over and I would be resuming work the following day! It took a record of one-and-a-half hours from home to work and back home, considering I stay in Madaraka Estate and l work in Westlands.

By the time my husband was calling me to find out whether I had reached work; I was telling him that I was on my way back home. It is still hard to leave her alone at home but I’m slowly learning to. I leave her with my cousin-in-law and a house help and my husband occasionally goes home to check on her.

I’m lucky to have a very understanding boss; we have worked out an arrangement where I report to work at 9.00 am and leave at 4.00 pm. This gives me room to breastfeed the baby in the morning before I go to work and get home before the evening rush begins. During the day, my breasts become so full that l have to spread my hands away from my body.

So, come evening after work I head straight home, where l immediately wash my hands and hold the baby, irrespective of whether she is a sleep or awake. I guard her jealously and once l am home, she’s all mine! I then breastfeed her. After she has fed I move on to other things.

Now that she’s here, my daughter is my life and I can’t imagine without her!

Rhoda* woke up in the morning with her heart full of anxiety. The D-day had almost arrived. That was the last day of her maternity leave and all she could think about was how she would be able to leave her baby at home and go back to her job in Industrial Area. As she went through her normal routine, Rhoda kept thinking that it could be her last time to bathe, breast feed, or put her 2 month old son to bed for a nap.

The next morning, Rhoda found that leaving her baby at home and going back to her job in Industrial Area was a terrible experience. It was pure chaos. Her son woke up in a bad mood; it was as if he could sense that she was going back to work. He yelled at the top of his lungs and was inconsolable. She cried as she handed him over to a day care centre in her neighbourhood, and she felt sick the whole day. Rhoda was consumed by guilt, she felt irresponsible and selfish for leaving her baby behind – but being the sole breadwinner in the family, staying at home was not an option. Having two older children to watch over him didn’t make things easier on her.

Rhoda has never quite gotten used to that separation, even though she is on her third child. But even with all that anxiety, as soon has her second day at work, Rhoda immersed herself in her job with enthusiasm. Unfortunately, when she realised after some time that she had not thought about her son for quite some hours, she was again consumed with guilt!

Guilt is a normal reaction in working moms. Surrendering your child to another caregiver is one of the most difficult decisions a mother has to make. ‘Will they take good care of my child? Will they keep my child in a safe, clean environment?’ So many questions run through the mind of a mother whether she is considering hiring a house girl to stay with the baby or taking the baby to a day care centre. Just seeing your baby’s grief and bewilderment at watching you leave for work is hard enough. Mothers are left wondering whether they are ‘abandoning’ their responsibilities – or their baby. ‘Am I a bad mother, ‘they ask themselves from time to time.

As if that is not enough, mothers worry that their babies will become more attached to their nannies, and consequently won’t need them anymore! Don’t panic, you are your baby’s source of security and comfort, so remain calm as you say goodbye for the day, don’t show the baby any emotional displays. Instead, be happy, cheerful and relaxed – and your baby will soon realise that it’s not such a big deal after all!

Introduce the new caregiver before the end of your maternity leave. That way, your baby will already be acquainted with them before you start work. Of course, your baby would rather be with you than with anyone else. But the faster your baby develops trust in the new caregiver, the easier things will be for everyone.

Babies are very perceptive; they can usually tell if you are ambivalent about going back to work. Be as confident about going to work as you would want your baby to be about you leaving home. Again, positive attitude; avoid wearing a sad face, and let your goodbye be cheery and not forlorn.

It will be easier for you to be happy if you become more realistic about your expectations. Have your baby spend a few hours away from you, preferably with the proposed caregiver. This will help baby ease into the separation instead of feeling suddenly ‘abandoned.’ If you don’t trust the care giver, don’t leave your child in their hands, as this will contribute to your lack of peace.

Give yourself space to grieve. Even if you have already made up your mind to go back to work, it will still be difficult adjusting. Trying to bury your emotions will only make it harder on you. Instead, focus on ways of making it work, for example ensuring that you schedule as much time as possible for breast feeding, and other activities with your baby. It will be a way of maintaining your relationship after your return to work.

Don’t adopt an l-can-do-it-on-my-own kind of attitude. Do turn to your spouse, family members and friends for support. If necessary, ask for the support that you would like to have from those close to you. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how willing they will be to help.

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