Debbie Asila of Tatuu
Getting back to work
‘Leaving my baby and going back to work was the most difficult thing for me!’
She is a mother, a wife, a radio presenter, a musician and, recently, an actress. Meet Debbie Asila of the sensational Kenyan music trio, Tattuu, as she talks about how motherhood has affected her career and social life.
LEAVING my baby and going back to work was the most difficult thing for me! I resumed work when my baby, Milan, was a month and two weeks old. It was a very trying time for me. I must admit that I was scared of leaving my baby at home for the first time. I would feel so empty because we had really bonded and become close. While at work, I would feel as though my baby needed me and yet I was not there for her. Though at that time, my sister was taking care of my baby (for four hours I was away), I still felt that she couldn’t do what I would if I was with my little angel. The four hours seemed like a full day! I could not wait for my show to end so as to rush home. I would feel as though I had a very important appointment with someone that I had to keep. By 1p.m. when my show ended, I would head straight home. I never ever thought of meeting any of my friends for lunch or coffee. My mind was focused on one place—home.
By the time Milan was two weeks old, we were already going out of the house together. I am the type of person who cannot be tied up in one place and I didn’t want to leave her behind. Milan breastfed for only one month. When I gave birth my breasts didn’t have milk, and so she was introduced to formula milk in hospital. Therefore, she had a taste of both breast milk and formula. I got the feeling that she loved formula more than breast milk, so I decided that she would continue with what she loved more; the formula milk. For three months my siblings took turns taking care of my baby, when I went to work. I was resisting the urge to hire a stranger to take care of her. I finally acknowledged that I needed a nanny, when I was invited to the wedding of Nameless and Wahu, which was in Naivasha. I couldn’t go without my baby, so I got a nanny and we all went to Naivasha. She stayed with Milan in a hotel, and l attended the ceremony and had fun.
Wherever I go, I must go with my baby and the nanny. I have even taken Milan to Mombasa; I don’t think there is any place she can’t go. They usually remain in a hotel and after the function I rush back to her.
A lot changed when the baby came into my life. I would not meet friends as I used to because I always thought about the baby. I can’t hang out with my friends, because I feel as if I have to be part of everything going on in Milan’s life. I want to be there for her every step of the way. I have had to cancel many invitations, in order to spend time with my daughter. When I am invited to a function, I have to decide whether it’s one that I can attend with my baby or not. I only accept those that are suitable for my baby because for me to be comfortable, she has to be close to me. I do not attend night functions with her, but even then I ensure that she is well fed and okay before I leave her.
To get back to my original tummy; I did sit-ups. I didn’t struggle to go back to my size because I wasn’t that big when I was pregnant, I was quite petite. I was also very careful with my eating when pregnant. I ate healthy and not for two; as people usually say. Nevertheless, I had a craving for bhajia from a popular nearby fast-food restaurant.
My relationship with my husband, Shaffie, became stronger after our baby was born but it didn’t just happen automatically. The first two weeks after I delivered were especially challenging. The baby would cry at night and keep me awake. I had hormonal imbalance and I think the stress of being a new mother took its toll on me. But after a while, I got back into form and we became even closer.
I must mention, that what helps me cope with work and the baby, is the flexibility of my work hours. I do not have the usual eight-to-five working day. Currently I am working for three hours in the afternoons, and my mornings are free. I co-host a radio programme, hence I have less pressure. I’m lucky to have a lot of free time on my hands.
My friends and I, in Tattuu, have put our music plans on hold. But I have a message for our fans-keep your eyes and ears open because Tattuu is going to make a total comeback! When we decide to launch an album it will spring some pleasant surprises, and performances for our fans. That is not possible at the moment as my friend Angie Ndambuki has just delivered. We will therefore first focus on our babies.
My acting role is in the famed Heartbeat programme on KBC. I was given some time off, because they knew I had a baby and at the same time I was working. The programme is shot at night, that way I go home, cook, leave at around 8 p.m. and get back at around midnight. Sometimes when we can’t shoot at night we do it early in the morning from around 5 a.m. so I get back home by 9 a.m. This was the case when I was shooting my part.
I have time for my baby, my partner and my work. The only people who are suffering are my friends. I know I need them badly but I can’t be with them. For example, I only manage to see Angie once a week and sometimes I alternate her visit with seeing my parents on Sundays. My weekends are for my baby and I, so if I have to go to a function it should involve babies, or I may not attend. Weekends are bonding time with my baby, that is from Saturday morning to Sunday evening. I feed her, bathe her and ensure that we spend the whole day together.
Despite all the time and attention I dedicate to her, Milan is closer to her dad than to me. She is not as excited to see me as when she sees her dad. Initially, I was jealous and wondered why she was closer to her dad, yet I’m the one who carried her for nine months, but am okay with it now. I guess girls just bond with their dads, and boys with their mums! I know Shaffie works very hard for the baby, he feels that there is someone depending on him, and I know that he really loves Milan.
Why Milan? Shaffie and Shinde (of Tattuu) decided that would be the name of the baby, whatever the sex. This was after my baby shower, where many of our friends who attended chose the name Milan.
END: BL 4/52-54