Caring for your baby after maternity leave

Any mother, especially the first-timers, will tell you that being separated from their child is one of the hardest things they have had to face.

She sits in the boardroom barely listening to the presentations being made. She knows that back home, her baby is just getting up to feed. Her anxiety builds; all she wants is to call the nanny and find out how her little one is doing. This is the feeling for many mothers who get back to work after being with their babies for the first few months of their lives. From the time she is born, this little soul dictates the pattern of her day—when she wakes up, sleeps and just how much she eats. For a while, mother and baby are inseparable. Then after three months, they are yanked apart. The maternity leave is over and mama has to get back to work. Mothers, especially the first-timers, will tell you that being separated from their child is one of the hardest things they have had to do. A mother’s only concern becomes the wellbeing of her child and is preoccupied with needing to be near her. They have to combat this separation anxiety or what is called ‘’maternal pull’’.

I remember the numerous calls I made to my nanny to make sure that the baby was doing okay while I was away. But the calls did not really ease the anxiety. I would find myself rushing through meetings and errands to get back home as soon as I could.

Christine, a mother of an 11-month boy says that if she had a choice, she would love to be a stay-at-home mum. On going back to work after staying with her baby for five months, she says, ‘It was a nightmare.’ According to Christine, a mother does not really perform to her optimum for a few months after getting back to work. This is brought about by the pressures she faces.

She narrates her experience. ‘The first was the guilt of having to leave my baby behind.’ Many have said that they saw themselves as unworthy mothers for leaving their babies behind and not giving them quality time. ‘I also suffered from sleep deprivation. My son would wake up in middle of the night to feed. I was already exhausted by the time I arrived at my place of work. I had to exert more energy to try and meet the work deadlines.’

Christine was breastfeeding exclusively at the time and had to make sure that she had expressed enough milk for her baby. ‘This was stressful because I had to be home early to breastfeed because by evening, the expressed milk would be finished,’ she remembers. Other challenges faced are when the baby gets sick. This means having to take a day or more off from work. ‘Depending on your work demands, this could prove very stressful,’ says Christine.

Finding a good nanny is often not a simple task bearing in mind that this is the person you are entrusting with your prized treasure,’she admits.

‘In my case, it was hard to get back to work fully. It took months for me to trust my child with a nanny and finally make the transition,’she says.

Solutions
In order to overcome these challenges, a mother needs to be highly organised.

  • Planning – schedule your life, putting your child’s needs in mind. Establish priorities; starting with the main things first and including the unexpected. To ensure success at breastfeeding, Christine began to express milk early to build a good supply. She would leave the house after breastfeeding her son to make sure the expressed milk was enough for the day.
  • Stay calm – separating from a baby can be a tough choice for a mother. Give yourself time to adjust to the new changes by taking small steps forward. Some mothers find it easier to concentrate at work after calling their nanny. It is important to establish what works for you and do it. One can also write her feelings in a notebook or share her experience with another mom. This usually reassures the mom that someone knows what she is going through.
  • Balance – to achieve a sense of balance in life, accept your new season. To any mother, the word of advice is that she should first accept that a baby changes every aspect of life. Be patient with yourself and allow for a time of adjustment. The key to an easier transition is to learn to work with a plan, leaving nothing to chance.
  • Invest – to sustain breastfeeding, one has to prepare adequately. Christine had to buy a freezer to ensure she had enough storage space for the milk. She was lucky to work for a company that had a clinic that provides nursing mothers a private place to express milk.
  • Rest – to deal with sleepless nights, rest as much as you can. To energize for the night feeds, Christine would try and sleep early when her son slept.
  • Support – it is also important to involve your partner in taking care of the child. This fosters a strong bond with both of you.
  • Delegate – do not try to do everything by yourself but assign some of your duties to the nanny or anyone else who is available in your life to ease the pressure of doing it all.

END:  BL 42 / 18-19

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