‘Baraka’ after 5 years of infertility

Having been without a baby for five years, despite concerted attempts, Vicky and Steve Ogali could barely contain their joy on 4 January 2007 when Vicky finally gave birth to a bouncing baby boy, Nathaniel Baraka. In an interview with Pregnant staff writers Roseline Atieno and Rebecca Njoki, Vicky and Steve share their joy of being new parents.

Vicky

The The arrival our baby changed a lot of things. Initially. I was a bit jealous because the dad loved him very much. He would come home from work and the first thing he would ask about was Nathan welfare! However. I later came to understand that since we took long before we had a baby, we both wanted to be dose to him. We are now coping very well and I do not complain. In fact Nathaniel still sleeps in our bed.

Nathan is eleven-months old now. He is a wonderful boy who smiles a lot and is very active. Of late, he seems sensitive and intelligent. Sometimes when we are discussing something with his father, he looks at our faces. As if sensing that we are discussing him, he bursts into a loud cry. It is as though he understands what we talk about.

Ironically, Nathan bonds well with his father. It is interesting that I spend the whole day with him only for him to clamour for his father’s attention immediately he gets home from work and temporarily forget mummy!
In the morning he wakes up to disturb his father while he is dressing: he rubs the oil like his father does and disarranges my hubby’s clothes.

My husband. Steve, is very happy to have his son warm up to him and carries him virtually everywhere he goes during off duty.

It is a good feeling to be a mother. I cannot wait for him to start calling me mummy. I love changing him since I do not want my baby to stick with soiled nappies for long. Although I have a house help. I feel that Nathan is my responsibility, he loves breastfeeding and often wakes up in the middle of the night to suckle. I am planning to breastfeed him for at least two-and-a-half years. Sometimes he gets a bit naughty, trying to stand up while breastfeeding.

The first time Nathan fell ill I rushed him to the hospital where he was examined to find out the cause of his high fever. I was very scared because he had diarrhoea and he was loosing a lot of water. However, when the paediatrician checked him he was found to be having normal teething!

I love my boy and watch cartoons with him. He also has a good taste of music—it makes him relax and sleep, stop crying or feed.

Although I am now a happy mum, my delivery was a difficult one. Firstly, my waters broke at about midnight. As I was being rushed to the hospital I was convinced that the baby would come out before we got to hospital! To my surprise, even by one thirty the baby had still not come. I was induced and it was very painful.

My husband was my birth partner but I scared him off when the pain became too intense! At 3.00 a.m. I gave birth to Nathan. I seemed to come out with his eyes wide open, as if longing to see the world.

Secondly, I gave birth in a strange place—far from our Nairobi home— with no friends only my hubby and I in the hospital. It was nice, however, to have my baby at last: I had really waited for him and it was thrilling to see our own flesh and blood join Steve and I. To be pregnant is a nice feeling but when I think of getting pregnant again. I get scared because of my delivery experience.

While most new mothers would complain of exhaustion in the first few days after delivery. I was quite active. I washed Nathan on the first day and it felt exciting to hold and wash him. which I still do exclusively. I however lost a lot of weight after delivery. My house girl took off on the eve of Christmas because she dreaded the amount of work that would result from the baby’s birth. I was so stressed! Now I am okay, just fighting to lose my largish tummy.

My hubby has been very supportive. Once I was discharged from the hospital, he would wake up at night and change the baby’s diapers and rock Nathan back to sleep. This took the stress away from me.

Despite taking several years to conceive, our friends and relatives were very happy for us: we were really appreciated! Our child has grown with so much love from us. our relatives and friends. Just like his name, he is a blessing and people love him very much.

Steve
My baby gives me the reason to look forward. When he came out of the womb he immediately opened his eyes and it seemed as though he was looking at me. I started bonding with him when he was still in the womb. I would place my hand on his mother’s belly and he would respond by kicking.

Daddy’s Joy

The birth of a baby is indisputably the happiest moment in a father’s life. The moment brings with it the sense of security, maturity respect and pride with each which each father covets.
By Roseline Atieno

AS much as mothers are overwhelmed with joy after baby delivery, so are the fathers. Generally speaking, the premier joy of a father is that he is recognised and acknowledged in the society. The passage from being just a man to being a father earns him a new title in his community, according the local societal norms. This indeed maces the man beam with the joy. knowing his manhood has been vindicated. This is not only true of first time fathers, but the bundle of happiness is equally felt each time a man is pronounced a father.

Of course there are exceptions to the norm, and indeed there as some men who deny vehemently they ever came close to ‘knowing* the mother. *1 have never seen her!’ is not a new denial phrase.

for those who appreciate the newborn, though, an interesting angle is the concept of replication. The father views the ‘product’ as legally his. and physically as himself re-invented—hence the oft used nick name ’junior.’ It is mainly a masculine expression and a good reason why there are no baby girl ‘juniors’! It is exciting for the man to prospect that the baby—especially if it is a boy—will have physical and emotional attributes that resemble his own. as the biological father. Any time the father looks at the innocent baby, he sees a reflection of himself.

Having a baby at one point in life is usually the dream of almost every man. For some it is simply fulfilling destiny’s demands. Others view it as an opportunity to provide for their off-spring and proving they can be responsible human beings, in accordance to God’s directive—’Go ye…’

There are those who pride themselves with raising children who will mature to do them proud. They are driven by the motivation that if properly raised, the newborn will become an important person in a dynamic society dogged by many challenges. In the African setting, a parent should not raise a child to fail. It is not a choice, it is a responsibility. For instance, if the baby is a boy, the perception is that he will inherit the family’s assets, whatever their state or size, as well as run the family’s affairs when his parents are of advanced age or gone past by. If the baby is a girl, she will bring wealth through dowry, friends in the form of in-laws and good reputation as a hardworking and caring mum in her own family. With time, this stereo-type position is changing, but it is generations away from being wiped out.

Quite special has been the fun and adventure that a newborn brings into the home: a new person in the house to play, joke, dance, wrestle, sing and shower. Someone to heap all the love and attention on. without being assessed for good measure.

Having to watch the child crawl, mimic words and songs and grow is exciting. This amazing progression is crowned when finally the baby pays back the father with that coveted call: ‘Daddy!’ Sounds even better when repeated: ‘Daddy, daddy!’

Perhaps one of the most interesting features of a father-child relationship relates to death. A father may feel ‘secure’, even in the face of death, because he believes that his children will ‘represent’ him after he passes on. Through them he will always be ‘around.’ If that is the family tradition, they will adopt his name as well as name one of their own children after him. They will always remember ‘daddy’ and ultimately admire and emulate his ways. He is assured of the continuation of his lineage after his death.

In life, however, the nightmare of most men is the thought of being unable to fend for and feed their children. On the other hand, a reasonably successful father, of whatever stature, draws great joy from being just that: a father.

Steve Ogali and his son, Nathan Baraka. Steve Ogali, who searched five years for a baby says. I waited for a long time. Now that I finally have my baby in my arms I don’t want to let him go.’

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